The places we inhabit can say a lot about us. Accordingly, these places also affect us deeply. When my outer space is cluttered, I find it almost impossible to clear my mind. When the space I am in is barren, it can elicit a sense of freedom to explore and imagine new possibilities, or a sense of loneliness. When the walls are warm and the furniture comfortable, it can feel cozy and relaxing or it can feel like I'm penned in.
My house here is deliciously quaint and I adore my bedroom. It has so many things about it that give it a very British feel, which reflects the larger cultural space that I am inhabiting this year.
For example, instead of a comforter, I have duvet - the English don't seem to use comforters. The duvet cover and pillowcases are decorated with poppies, which are common to see around England as they represent remembrance of the Great War (World War I). My furniture is minimal - I have two small bedside dressers. That's it. The Great Amerian Obsession With Stuff is something I've eschewed for a long time and for the most part, I find it that British people have less than many American families do. It feels European to need less.
My carpet is wall-to-wall which to me is classically British. Every home I've been has at least one room with wall-to-wall carpet - sometimes even the bathrooms! And the room of course has a radiator to warm it.
Even in this most intimate of spaces, the culture that I'm merely borrowing for a year is inescapable. But at the same time, my home appears in the details of my living space as well. The people I love are represented here. It's not just the wall of photographs I have. It is in the little details. On my shelves, there is big bottle of lotion that my sister bought for me and sent over with Shantonu. There is a thick magazine on the topic of mindfulness my aunt sent in the mail. I have one shelf devoted to the cards I've been sent and given.
The radiator that feels so British is what I lean against when I'm Skyping or talking on the phone to my family and friends. On one of my two small dressers, I have a letter and gift from my godfather. In the top drawer with my socks and underwear are a stack of postcards waiting to be sent to friends. And in the second dresser drawer, which is filled with odds and ends, there is a pile of cold medicines that Shantonu gave me after I got sick with the flu in the fall.
In the same way, the people and experiences I've encountered here in York have seeped in as well. I have a tea towel with scenes from across Yorkshire hanging on my wall. It was gifted to me by Derek and Isobel. I have a gigantic map on the wall that I bought when Isobel took me shopping for a new planner. And some of the photographs I hung up were printed out at Boots, where I went on my friend Rachel's suggestion. I have a pair of her hand-me-down trainers. A scarf is thrown across the foot of my bed; it was knitted by my housemate Emily's mom.
A yoga mat in the corner was filched from a pile of unused ones at church. My work bag was a gift from our first Time for God retreat back in September. From my bed, I can hear the comforting rustle of my housemates as they move about. And the two small poetry books on my shelf were part of a donation box at Carecent and picked out for me by Angela, a volunteering friend there; she just sensed that I would like them. Two more books were gifts from my YAGM friend Danielle for Christmas.
The room has become a melding of my two homes - England and the United States - in so many ways. And because of this, it's a representation of me. It's not just because I have decorated the walls or picked out a happy duvet cover. It's because of the embodiment of the relationships that make me who I am. This room holds the physical presence of the people I love; the care they give me is poured out of me to become a part of the space I inhabit.
And so because I cherish people and experiences on two continents now, their influences mingle here. Thus I inhabit a space, physically and spiritually, that is a merging of my old life and my new one, a place that holds both my American and my British selves.
Living here in this place isn't always easy. It's a place in the in-between of two cultures, the moment where they meet. It can be deeply uncomfortable to be in the space in between such two disparate worlds, holding contradicting ideas. The place I am in now is a messier, fuller place than that which I inhabited before I embarked on my YAGM year here in the United Kingdom.
But holding two identities has made me a different, stronger person. It's a representation of how I am continually evolving to welcome new ideas and people into my life, and how blessed I am to be able to do this. The fullness has made the space I live in far more beautiful and rich. This place, my place, is filled with growth, renewal, and love.
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