BUT it's also totally amazing to think that a goal I set for myself years and years ago is being realized during my 25th year on earth. My goal to live in another country (for at least a year - that was a stipulation) is actually happening, and it just is amazing to me sometimes that it's happening in England, which has totally been a childhood obsession. I feel very, very blessed, and so while I'm sad not to be around my family tomorrow, I'm also grateful for the cool opportunity to be here in York, and grateful for the amount of support I have from those I love. It's bittersweet.
I'll turn 25 on September 25th, which makes this my Golden Year (as a Golden)! And 25 is five multiples of five, which is my lucky number, because I was born at 5:55 pm 25 years ago tomorrow. Fives, as you can tell, have a special place in my heart, and I am hoping this year is beautiful and special too.
Here are my resolutions for my 25th year:
1. Have more fun.
2. Live in the present!
3. Practice kindness to myself and others
4. Improve my mental health + share my story
5. Read good books, salsa dance, and play piano
More about these:
1. I tend to live a life of "shoulds" - I should be doing this, that, etc - and since I'm a Type-A doer, I always end up doing what I say I should. I should get this email sent, I should apply to this opportunity, I should run this errand. Even fun stuff turns into "shoulds". I should cook this healthy things for dinner, I should go for a run. That's such a BORING and annoying way to live. This year, I want to have more fun and let go of the shoulds. There's only one SHOULD for this year: I SHOULD have more fun.
2. I'm living in England. How cool is that?! It's sooo cool! And I so want to enjoy it. I want to grow and serve others and help my community. York is amazing but it also has a lot of need. I want to love all that there is to love about my new adopted home, to learn about ways to make the world better. And when I look back, I don't want to realize I spent more time worrying about the future or past, or checking my phone, or thinking about my life beyond this place. All that will come when it comes. I want to spend this year enjoying York, getting to know my host community, and serving those in need.
3. I like to think I'm a fairly nice person, but I also can be impatient, judgmental, and rude, which makes others unhappy. I do this even to the people I love most in the world. And I just had an epiphany recently that I'm also really judgmental of myself, sometimes constantly throughout the day. It's exhausting and unpleasant to always have a stream of negative self-talk and after my lightbulb moment, I thought, why do I worry so much about being kind to people if I'm not kind to myself too? I don't want to carry mean thoughts with me for the next 25 years! I want others to be happy because of me, and I want to be happy! This year, I'm working on being kinder to myself and to others - for me, for you, for all those I love.
4. Mental health is just like physical health - it is always a work in progress. I feel the need to work harder at sitting with my uncomfortable, anxious thoughts and pulling myself out of the rabbit hole that is my worried mind. I plan to read, meditate, talk to people (maybe a therapist if that's in the cards for this year realistically), and practice yoga, all of which soothe my soul. I also want to share more about my mental health journey. I've been journaling a lot about that in the hopes that will coalesce into a piece that will be shareable. Because of my recent experiences with Peace Corps, I really want everyone to know how important it is to be open and to de-stigmatize mental health struggles.
On a personal level, I'm so grateful to have the resources I need to live a happier life - I feel grateful every day for my privilege of being able to see a therapist, talk to friends and family, and do whatever it is I need to feel better. It truly has improved my quality of life beyond all measure! Because of this. it's become really important to me that everyone has the opportunity to get the help they need and to know their mental health is as important as their physical health, and this is one of the foundation reasons I want to be a social worker. I plan to share more of my story and it is one my most impassioned goals in life that everyone, all over the globe, gets the mental health care they need.
5. I love to read - this year I'm not going to read the boring stuff I "should" but all the awesome books I love - historical fiction, detective stories, books about food and social justice, and children's literature. I love to salsa dance, it's my new favorite hobby (after yoga) after I took a crazy fun class this summer. And I love music and have always wanted to re-learn how to play the piano. Time for hobbies and FUN stuff. As I grow in my ability to serve others, it's time to grow in my ability to serve my soul. And my soul loves music, good books, and dancing!
If you want to do give me a birthday present from afar, send me (by email, message, text) five things. This can be five things about you, five reasons you're happy today, five foods you love, five things that are most important to you, five memories you have of us together - anything! I want an excuse to hear from the people I love and I want to know what five things are important to YOU!
On my mind....
My family! Many of whom sent me gifts or have already started hyping up my birthday. I love you all!!
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