Harry Potter and the Year in York: Making Everyday Magic (Newsletter #5)

In the Harry Potter series, we read a lot about Harry's big ticket items - Quidditch matches, showdowns with Lord Voldie, and common room parties feature prominently. I'm not that cool. If I were at Hogwarts, I wouldn't be Harry, I'd be Luna Lovegood, sort of in the background just chilling with the Blibbering Humdingers, getting my schoolwork done, and wandering about exploring the castle.

Accordingly, my favorite parts of the book are when we learn about everyday life at Hogwarts; classes, mealtimes, and hanging out in the common room are all far more intriguing to me than jumping in the lake at a Triwizard Tournament. Probably this is boring for most people. Like, the books were written about Harry and not Luna for a reason.

But something Krissy and I have been talking about has been kicking around in my brain lately. The idea that everyday life, every day adventures - those are the most interesting. And that perhaps all of us should challenge ourselves to dig in and live that daily life a little bit deeper.

So, while I can't promise it'll be as fun as reading about breaking-and-entering into the Ministry of Magic, I figured I'd use this newsletter to try to conjure up an understand of everyday happenings here in York this year.

Sundays at St. Columba's: Sundays are the start to my workweek. I usually get into church around 9 am, either because I'm on the rota to steward or make coffee or to set up the Fairtrade stall that I run monthly. If nothing else, I usually sneak in a few minutes of piano practice then too.


The worship starts at 10.15 am and lasts about an hour. Many services are led by members of the congregation and each worship has a pretty different pattern. I usually really enjoy the hour after the service because it's everyone in the congregation hanging out drinking coffee. It's the only time I actually get to see most of the fellowship together. Depending on who leads coffee (and thus brings supplies), the cookies can be a big highlight too.

Visiting with Congregants: Sometime during each week, I aim to visit to a member of our fellowship who is homebound or ill. One of the people I've gotten to know most is an elderly woman named Mary. We had a rocky start to our relationship. She didn't offer me anything but water over the course of my two-hour visit (which indicates either a serious breach of British social etiquette or a deliberate and pointed snub), and seemed slightly suspicious of my presence.

Months later, and things have drastically improved. I really look forward to seeing Mary; last week, she offered me tea and biscuits straight away, and she showed me two photo albums of the dozens of foster children she cared for along with four of her own. I see visits to congregants as one of the purest and most essential forms of accompaniment.

Molly Visits!: One of my dear YAGM friends, Molly, came to visit me in early May. We spent a fantastic three days exploring, touring, talking, and eating delicious food. We visited Scarborough and Malton for a day too! After she left, I felt very lonely. After feeling like my truest authentic self for three short days with such a dear friend, returning to my normal routine was a little hard.

But the truth of the matter is that we all experience the good and the bad, no matter where we are in the world we are - Hogwarts, York, or Baltimore. I am so fortunate to have dear friends like Molly - I would much rather feel bereft at her parting than never have had her visit at all.

Ice Cream on the River Ouse with Rachel: Luckily, just two days later on a Bank Holiday Monday, my friend Rachel and I got together and strolled along the River Ouse. We got ice cream from the ice cream boat!

Bird-Watching: It has been marvelous watch spring come to Yorkshire. One lovely thing that I now do on my near-daily walks is check out the many families of geese. Waterfowl are a York staple because of the two large rivers that meet in York, the Rivers Ouse and Foss.

Seeing sweet tiny goslings toddle their way behind their overprotective and proud parents fills my heart with a tenderness I cannot put into words.Other people often stop to watch them, too, the other night I came upon a woman around my age who was anxiously holding up traffic to help a few wayward gesese get across the street safely.

The next night, I saw two geese families slowly and deliberately make their way from the River Ouse to Clifford's Tower, crossing two wide lanes of traffic as the cars sat patiently waiting for each tiny gosling to make it. It was like watching the Queen process; the birds had no sense that they were holding up peoples' progress. Their job was simply to find greener grass for their children to munch.

Still another evening, I spent nearly twenty minutes entranced by two geese families who were sharing a tiny sandbar on the River Foss. At just about the same time, both sets of baby birds trundled their way under their respective mothers' wings to settle in for the night. It took a very long time to get them situated. The mothers sat patiently, their wings unfurled slightly, as their babies fought for prime real estate underneath. One little head kept popping up between the mother's wing and body, staring out like a periscope at the world while her siblings tussled beneath her, and I found myself laughing out loud.

The goslings grow quickly, so that some of the spring's first-borns who could fit into the palm of my hand only weeks ago now are gawky teenagers. They look quite dinosauric, their long necks awkwardly bobbing up and down as they walk and peck at the grass.

Volunteering with The Island: I'm still very involved with The Island, which is one of the charities based out of our church. I spend every Wednesday evening helping with their Youth Clubs, and I volunteer each Thursday afternoon at Schools-Based Mentoring. Each week, ten mentors and ten mentees go to a local primary school in the nearby village of Clifton. It's walking distance for me, luckily. We do group activities to help the kids build their confidence and have 1-to-1 time, too.

My mentee, N, is so much fun. Mentoring has taught me the importance of being consistent for N - no matter what is happening in my life, she deserves my undivided and enthusiastic attention. Additionally, I've learned how to be more sanguine when she's having a bad day. I can't get anxious when I know that she's sad about something. I simply am there to be whatever she needs that week - someone to talk to, someone to draw with, someone to teach her cartwheels.

Because of a change-up in The Island's staffing, I've ended up leading the Schools-Based program for the last three weeks, in addition to my role as a mentor. We finished up this past week with a presentation to some of the kids' classmates, parents, and teachers that the other mentors and I planned together. Despite some stage fright from the kids, it went wonderfully. The best part was the little party afterwards where we could just hang out, eat cake, and do The Floss. (I think I've finally learned this weird little dance, thanks to about a thousand tutorials by ten-year-olds week after week.)

Working directly with children and families is what I would like for my career, in part because I've realized that things like mentoring kids (as well as activities Crafts with a Cause and Carecent) bring me such great joy.

Tuesday Coffee Mornings: My role at Coffee Mornings, which happen each Tuesday morning from 10 - 12.30 is essentially to set-up beforehand, make coffee, prepare teas, talk to people, and clean-up afterwards. I also am on the rotation to lead the post-Coffee mid-week service.

Easy enough. Drink tea, eat biscuits, sit around for a few hours.

But I find Coffee Mornings quite challenging. This is because the regulars who attend frequently gossip about other members of the church. They are not welcoming to strangers. They aren't interested in turning Coffee Mornings into a ministry of St. Columba's for the community.

We all have our Potions classes, right?

Besides using some Unforgivable Curses or throwing a crocodile heart at their faces a la Ron Weasley, I have developed another fun technique to cope. I simply use the petty/boring conversations as material for a hypothetical Britcom that I'm writing in my head. When I separate myself by seeing the negativity as potential for a humor-filled TV show, I feel much more cheerful and can chuckle inwardly. Am I a particularly nice person on Tuesday mornings, as I inwardly cringe/gripe/complain/make jokes? Not really. I'm like a Death Eater.

I usually do enjoy the midday Tuesday service, but when it's my turn to lead, I dread it. I've discovered I really hate leading worship services. This YAGM is definitely not going to be one of the 30% that become Lutheran pastors.

Zumba: I love Zumba! I'm not so good at Quidditch, to be honest, so when I discovered an affordable Zumba class in January I was really excited. The people who come are welcoming, chatty, and fun, and the teacher is so enthusiastic. It feels like a little community, and I look forward to Tuesday evenings each week.

One of the things I love about Zumba in general is its diversity and inclusivity. York is extremely homogenous, but our class still attracts people from all over the world. It doesn't just bring fit gym-rats, thank goodness, because I can't dance to save my life. My worst fear is that someone I know from outside Zumba will wind up in a class with me. It's not something you want to see. Fortunately, it's a very accepting crowd and Zumba emphasizes exercise for fun rather than precision!

Day Trips: Lately, I've had some lovely day trips. In the beginning of April, I took a solo trip to explore Malton, a small Yorkshire market town.

I went to Beningbrough Hall, an English stately home, with Derek and Isobel.

I visited the Goddards House, which is another National Trust property formerly owned by the Terry family, who were big chocolate factory owners here in York.

And just last weekend, I spent the day in Leeds, getting a stellar massage at John Lewis (thanks to Basma didi!), meeting up with a friend of a friend who has done amazing international work, and hanging out with my dear YAGM friend Grace!

My absolute favorite quote from Harry Potter and the Deathy Hallows is this: "Slowly, very slowly, he sat up, and as he did so he felt more alive, and more aware of his own living body than ever before. Why had he never appreciated what a miracle he was, brain and nerve and bounding heart?"

Reading these spectacular lines makes me wonder how Harry felt once Voldemort had been conquered. Perhaps he felt that he didn't need the excitement of duels and battles or the wildness of dragon rides any longer. He just wanted the quiet joy of ordinariness.

When I read these lines, I am almost breathless with a sense of gratitude for own whole and healthy body, the health of the ones I love, and their presence in my life. These are the things that make life so special, and luckily for me, they happen to be a part of my normal existence. But that does not mean they should be taken for granted. Ordinary life is something to cherish, something to celebrate, simply because of the ability to live it. The every day - that is where the magic happens.

Royalists and republicans

Unless you're living under a giant Stonehenge-sized boulder, you will know that Prince Harry of Wales and Meghan Markle are getting married.

I'm super excited that there is a royal wedding while I'm actually living here, and it seems the whole nation has been thrown into a frenzy of preparing for the big day. The wedding, combined with the warm weather, has given York a very festive feel of late. Every shop window has something Harry and Meaghan related - I've included pictures throughout!

I have always adored everything related to the British monarchy. For a while my most-loved library book was What If You Were Royal?. It chronicles the history of the monarchy and describes the current royal family's lives (for children). The obsession never faded as I got older, even when I learned less attractive and more salacious details about this famous family (Squidygate, eurgh).

When Kate and William got married, I bought not one but two of the People Magazine collector editions. I got rid of one when I was cleaning my room before I moved here...but I kept the other copy.

A few months ago I embarked on a personal research project. I wanted to understand the modern-day British perspective on the monarchy. I began to ask people in conversation to tell me about their opinions of the royals. It did not come out of nowhere - I'd already started to be treated to church members' opinions about the monarchy, whether I wanted to hear it or not, so I decided to ask others in my growing circle of acquaintances and friends what they thought.

Below is my thesis derived from this data.

Should They Stay or Should They Go?

An Informal Review of British Attitudes Towards Their Nation's Crown

The study has taken place over the course of about three months. My participants include young, middle-aged, and old mostly white British people of relative means. My methodology included informal qualitative interviews consisting of about two or three framing questions and open-ended discussion. Disclaimer: This is not a peer-reviewed or scientifically validated.

I was able to sort my results into several groups and code the data accordingly. Based on my approximations, about 50% of my subjects consider themselves republicans. Spelled thusly with a lowercase "r", this means that they do not wish to have a monarchy in Britain any longer. Most republicans followed up with comments that affect that the monarchy is a waste of precious taxpayer dollars and hearkens back to a time when Britain was more overtly classist than it is now.

The subjects who consider themselves republicans are of all ages or gender lines. Women and men both adhered to this belief. My piano teacher, Helen, who recently turned 70, told me that the French have invented two good things: good cheese and the guillotine. The guillotine, she says, is the most effective tool for ridding a country of its royalty, and should be used forthwith on our current regents.

Shantonu's cousin, Apu, who is an American living in Britain for some thirty years, believes that the monarchy represents a detrimental societal structure and continues to promulgate class barriers. While I heard these types of beliefs expressed from both men and women in my study, it seemed to be more men than women who consider themselves republicans.

Royalists, however, feel that the monarchy is good value for its money. The tourism in this country is abetted strongly by the presence of a living and still-active Queen, and they argue that certain studies have shown that the monarchy brings in more money than it costs taxpayers. Also, the royal family provides a certain cohesiveness to the country. Some said things like, "I could not imagine life without them," and even, "I don't know where we'd be without them."

Derek, my supervisor, who considers himself a republican (and indeed taught me the phrase), said that while he does not like the premise, many great nations have a ruling leader and then a further figurehead for more ceremonial duties. In the United States, we've gone one better, and elected a former star of his own reality television program to represent us to other nations around the globe.

To that end, being a royalist or republican reminds me of voting for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton in this last election. Families were quite divided, and sometimes along marital lines. In some cases, it's also a conversation best left off the dinner table.

One very interesting and, if I may add, touching piece of my study: Almost to a one, each participant said that they respected and admired the Queen for her sixty-plus years of service that started at the the tender age of 25. (This includes my guillotine-loving piano teacher.) They say she has served and represented her country well, and has been through many hard times. She is a strong emblem of British culture and many said, even republicans, that she inspires them.

However, similarly interestingly and much more dire: Most people I spoke with (dare I say all? It seemed like that) do not like Prince Charles and Camilla. They said that they were very worried about his ascension to the throne. The most mild thing said about Prince Charles by my participants was that they "weren't sure" about him. Let me translate for you: In British-speak, "not sure of" is American for, "I really don't like him and this probably won't end well." Some people even expressed, rather morosely, that Princes Charles becoming king will signal the end of the monarchy.

Most wished that it could skip him over and jump to William and Kate, who are widely popular. Even republicans seemed to have high opinions of the young royals, and said that they felt that they were heralding a new era.

As for me? Well, I don't really know anymore. The monarchy was nice when I didn't live here, and I still love the history attached to it. But when I'm serving breakfast to people who have spent consecutive months sleeping in doorways around the city centre of York, I can't help but think it's a colossal waste of money and resources. I do see the appeal of something that feels community-oriented, however, and I love the feeling of all being in together on something, like we were for Royal Baby Watch 2018 and now for the Royal Wedding.

If I had my way, I probably would not change much, except to cut down the vast expense incurred by their bopping around all over the place and security details and fancy sideways hats. Meghan Markle does seem like she will bring a lot to the royal family. Just the other day I saw her as being quoted saying, "I'm American and I hug!" Thank ya Jesus, a woman who can really stand up for our American values among all these cold, uptight British fish...er, citizens.

Supposedly Ms. Markle represents a vast departure from the old days, when the royalty would never have married someone who is half-Black. I applaud and celebrate this. And, given all I have learned about British class, division of labor, and socioeconomic troubles, I think it will be even more exciting when a royal marries someone who isn't already a multi-millionaire.

So, will I be watching the Royal Wedding tomorrow? Well, as the Minnesotans would say, you betcha! Fancy, full of fanfare, and a waste of taxpayer dollars - how could I not?! Even caught as I am between being a die-hard Royalist and a newly moral republican, this American isn't willing to give up the chance to get excited in the British event of the season, featuring overpaid and under-worked celebrities that did nothing to merit their status. After all, I am from the colonies that invented reality-TV - it takes me back to my roots.

My Tribe Visits, Part 2

See Part 1 here if you missed it!

At the beginning of April, my family returned home to Baltimore and just days later, my aunt and uncle arrived! This was also a very special visit. I've never traveled with just my aunt and uncle (although I guess it was just them traveling, not me). I couldn't take more time off work as I'd just taken a bundle when my family visited, but we spent some nice evenings together wandering around and having delicious meals.

It's fun to step outside yourself and watch your relationships change over time - growing up, an aunt is an aunt and an uncle is an uncle. They are important, meaningful relationships, to be sure. But then slowly, if you're lucky (and I happen to be), that relationship deepens to be something more. It becomes a friendship, and that's how I feel about my aunt and my uncle. I feel lucky to have them in my life.

Only a week after that, Shantonu came to visit me for a second time this year! His first trip was amazing. I was so glad he could come back. I definitely feel very fortunate to have seen him twice during my YAGM year. I know that some people in long-distance relationships go much more than four months without seeing their partner and do a great job, but man...long-distance is HARD. I miss him a lot.

We started our visit together over the weekend in Cambridge, where we hung out with Shantonu's cousins. We attended an art show, punted in the river (very famous thing to do in Cambridge!), and ate yummy food prepared by Veronica.

And, since I had just found out that I had been accepted into the University of  Maryland, Baltimore School of Social Work (YAYYY!!!), Veronica also made me the cutest and funnest cake to celebrate! It was a complete surprise. We came in and sat down for tea, and Apu said, "Oh, why don't we have cake?", and Veronica said, "Oh yes, good idea!" And then she set down in front of me a cake and said, "We thought we'd make it a Maryland-themed cake to celebrate your acceptance!"

After I'd gotten over my surprise, I made some joking comment about her whipping up cakes left and right - but I totally thought it had been store-bought. After all, it had the shape of a terrapin on the top of it. Nope. Turns out she had made it home-made. She's that good.

I returned from Cambridge for church on Sunday (my work-week here is Sunday-Thursday) and he rejoined me Sunday evening. It was a take-your-boyfriend-to-work-week and his company made the week so much more fun. He helped me at all the activities I do throughout the week and explored York on his own when I was doing the few things he couldn't join me for.

We also snuck in a nice bike ride along the river and some delicious meals and movie-watching.

And, on one of York's warmest days yet, we had a late afternoon proper tea outside in the square.

Over the following weekend we had a short trip to Liverpool to meet Shantonu's uncle who lives there. We saw the city of Southport which is a coastal town. I don't meet many English cities that I don't love, but I didn't love Southport. It's wide and flat, and even though we visited on a sunny day, it lacks that little zest that makes English cities so interesting.

However, I did love meeting his uncle and his family, who are all lovely, and the village outside of Southport that they live in has lots of greenery. I hope we get to go back and see them again.

I was really sad to say goodbye to Shantonu, more than I expected. I thought I would feel sort of blase - it's only three months til we see each other again and then I'm home for good! - but I just felt sad. Three months feels longer now that I'm actually staring at it in the face.

When Shantonu left, it was hard knowing that the next time I see him, I will have said goodbye to York. I'm split down the middle. Part of me wants to stay forever here in this time and space where I'm growing so much spiritually and emotionally and constantly doing new things, meeting new people, trying and failing and succeeding at life experiments.

But part of me wants so badly to be back in Baltimore, with the people I love and celebrate and cherish. There aren't words to describe how they fill my heart. Since my visitors left, I've felt more achingly homesick for my family and friends than I have in a long time.

To be frank, though, my inner conflict doesn't really matter. Whichever way you slice it, I'm going home in about three months. Home won't be the same place as when I left, and I won't be the same as when I left it. I've grown a lot and things will have changed in my absence.

I have a choice. I could spend the next three months worrying about my return, missing people, wishing I was with them, and fretting about what's to come.

But like I said in My Tribe Visits, Part 1, I've realized that the best way to have an experience is to appreciate what you have more than what you don't have.

So I won't choose to worry (as much as I am able to make that choice, being the natural worrier/forward-thinker that I am). No, as much as I'm able I will choose appreciate what I have in York while I'm here. It is perfectly imperfect, beautiful and rich. This time here is fleeting and precious.

When I go home, it will be much the same. I will embrace the experience I'm having. No matter where I am in the world, it's going to be perfectly imperfect. It will be beautiful and rich in new and different ways.

And no matter what place we call home, for all of us, the time we have in the world is fleeting and precious.