But then I started reading two. Then three. It became my go-to distraction at work - just a harmless few minutes here and there when my brain felt cluttered and I needed a break. It wasn't a huge piece of my life and it gave me new recipe ideas, which I loved. I also enjoyed a glimpse into other peoples' lives.
Then I moved to England and I thought I wouldn't have time for such silly things like reading about other peoples' lives on the internet. But I was suddenly faced with lots of unscheduled time and lots of time alone.
That's when I started reading a lot of food blogs. I'm not saying I was addicted, but I definitely checked A LOT of blogs A LOT of times each week, sometimes each day. Whenever I had an unpleasant encounter, a hard day, or felt homesick, I'd practice some escapism and read food blogs. It was easier than conversation, easier than exercise, easier than pretty much anything else. It was zoning out and immersing myself into shiny, glistening lives of people who wrote about food all day long and who seemed to have themselves together when I was definitely not together.
Sometimes it was helpful - I love to cook and I had loads of recipes/recipe ideas. But oftentimes it was distracting. On the weekend if I was spending two hours reading food blogs, it was two hours I wasn't exploring in York or doing some other fun England-specific activity for the one precious year I have to do it. And if I was distracting myself from work, well, that one's obvious - I was being unproductive and that's annoying.
Escapism was a theme we talked about at YAGM orientation. One woman told us she had escaped by Skyping people from back home for hours and hours. We talked about other unhealthy ways of escapism. I think for me, food blogs had become escapism from the more challenging aspects of life here in the UK.
I could also feel myself falling into a deep comparison trap. People who write blogs - myself included - sugarcoat things and it's not always real life. I haven't always written about the super crap parts of my life on here because I like being positive and because that's also deeply personal. But also it makes it seem like life is easier than it actually is. This is what food bloggers do - understandably so - but it made me feel inadequate to read about other peoples' perfect lives.
But deciding to detox had nothing to do with all of this originally. It started because I was reading Minimalist Baker one day before going to bed. The blog writers had posted a recipe for Muhammara Dip, which is a Syrian traditional recipe.
As soon as I read the post, I was annoyed, because NOWHERE in the entire post did the writers mention that they were using (read: stealing) a recipe from a country that is currently under siege. The country of Syria is in desperate disarray and millions of people are starving, while hundreds of thousands of others have been murdered by rebel forces and their own government. Our country, on the other hand, refuses to take in more refugees because we're afraid of them.
So I commented. I was the first comment on that post. I said, "Would you consider making a $1 donation to the Syrian refugee crisis for every person who made this recipe and tagged MB on Facebook and Instagram?" I asked my friend Jamison (who is a vegan and likes Minimalist Baker) to comment and back me up, which he did. A few other people commented negatively, and a few others positively. I wasn't really worried about that, but I wanted to see that the writers of Minimalist Baker would say. And I wanted people who might see the comment (hopefully thousands of them) to remember that there is actually still a Syrian civil war going on.
Minimalist Baker didn't say anything to my comment. I waited excitedly to see if I had sparked some change and maybe started a successful fundraiser for a good cause, but then a few days later, to my astonishment I saw that they had deleted my comment. They left the other comments in response to mine (as of when I last checked) which sort of makes it look like I deleted my own comment. Nope I did not. They did.
Then I thought, Ew. I really don't like these people. If they can't even entertain a suggestion that would help the world, then they don't seem very kind or thoughtful. They also didn't want to have any suggestion whatsoever on their shiny perfect blog that they were culturally appropriating another country's dish or that they themselves weren't perfect. Disappointing.
And if you're wondering why it matters, it does. Food bloggers make a lot of money somehow (internet money is confusing to me, but I know this to be true) and MB has like a million followers on Instagram. They have a platform to do good and instead, they just continue to make money for themselves and post pretty pictures on Instagram.
I was simultaneously judging the writers of Minimalist Baker, judging myself for judging them on the basis of their internet personas and for caring at all, and increasingly just disgusted. And I was like, SHEESH why do I care so much about what random people are doing on the internet?
So right then and there, I quit food blogs. I realized a lot of food bloggers/internet personas do the kind of reality-altering-to-make-themselves-look-good that Minimalist Baker did. And I think it's really mentally unhealthy to surround myself with that. As I thought about it, I realized I also wanted to give myself the opportunity to be more present in my own reality and less addicted to someone else's life.
So I stopped reading them. I unsubscribed from newsletter updates, I deleted my search history on my phone and laptop, and I just stopped. I knew I still needed a bit of escapism - because we all do - so I went to the library and took out cookbooks (because I genuinely enjoy reading about food) and a bunch of go-to favorite book (mysteries and historical fiction are my favorite genres).
The first few days were easy, the next few were kinda hard, and then after that it felt delightfully refreshingly freeing. I felt much more clear-minded. I still distracted myself on the internet occasionally, but it wasn't with the same voracious intensity as previously. I realized that it made no difference to my difficult days when I went on the internet, and actually, reading blogs made it harder because it just depressed me more.
I've been replacing food blogs with some non-addicting uplifting things. Some of these I practiced before (especially reading and exploring the city of York) but now I try to do them with more intention. I also try to practice them even if I'm feeling anxious/upset for whatever reason and not giving myself a cop-out. Here's my ever-growing list:
-exploring York
-reading (a lot more!)
-crocheting
-practicing piano
-cooking slowly and methodically with pleasure
-doing Zumba classes online (which seems silly but I always forget how great and FREE online workout classes are)
-going to classes in person (I found an awesome, cheap class that I love!)
-visiting people from church in a social non-work capacity
-Taking a super long walk in the sunshine (!!! it exists!!) along the River Ouse
-Reading a cookbook
-Kris Carr's post about what other people think of you - and how not to care!
-Gretchen Rubin's website, blog, daily emails, and books. I love her!
This quote:
-meandering through bookshops and reading bits and pieces of books
-Watching spring slowly come to the beautiful city of York and seeing snowdrops and crocuses
-This awesome postcard I saw in Oxfam:
-journaling and writing
I promised myself I would quit food blogs for three weeks (the time it takes to break a habit) and then see if I could read them restrainedly. After more than three weeks, I decided (with intent) to check my favorite, called Gimme Some Oven. I think she's a positive, upbeat, socially conscious writer and she's also an expat so I like her views on living abroad. It was also a test for myself to see if I would get re-addicted. So far, so good, but I'm still going to make sure I don't fall into my escapism trap.
I decided that for now, I'll check that one and two other positive food-only blogs once per week for recipe ideas - it's helpful for healthy meal planning and I think everything is OK in moderation. But I'll keep an eye on how much I'm reading them this time and make sure it's only every once in a while for an actual purpose. I don't want to slip into the habit of using blogs as escapism anymore. I want to give myself the chance to live in my own reality, hard and frustrating as it is - because the good times are there just as much, and I want to be present for those.
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