Does It Matter?

YAGM-lite. Those are the dreaded words that make United Kingdom Young Adults in Global Mission cringe. While our YAGM brothers and sisters serve in countries who are still developing by US standards, UK YAGMs serve in a country that is arguably more privileged than the United States. Over the years, this has caused a bit of derision from some; the idea being that YAGMs serving in the United Kingdom have it easier than other country groups because it's an English-speaking, developed country.

YAGM as an organization has done a really good job, to my awareness, of mitigating this feeling from people in the program and have made a special effort to make sure UK YAGMs know that what they are doing is equally important. But it's a hard task, because much of the notion of global service revolves around the outdated idea of going somewhere "poor" and helping "poor" people live better lives. No matter how much we as a society move away from this, there are always going to be eyebrows raised at the idea of US-born young adults spending a year in England...as volunteers.

This weighed heavily on the UK YAGM group. Throughout Orientation in Chicago, as we began to get to know each other, we shared the same fear with each other: will what we do matter?

That was the fear I had upon being assigned to the United Kingdom. I trusted the wisdom of YAGM, but I still was afraid. Would this be a worthwhile experience? Would we actually be helping people? Would we be challenged?

Would what I did to serve the world during my YAGM year matter?

During the first few months, the fears of being challenged, of helping people dissipated. My cohort breathed a collective sigh of relief to each other. Together we knew: we are being challenged. We realized: yes, we are helping people.

And what we're doing does matter, which is somehow still surprising and joyous to all of us. We feel needed and loved by our host communities. We're accompanying our neighbors. We're learning to love others as we love ourselves. We give our time and our enthusiasm and our energy to help the people in our communities. In short, we are acting as God's hands and feet in the world. We're living out the tenets of Young Adults in Global Mission.

And yet.

A few weeks ago, I found out that a YAGM in another country group had expressed disdain to another YAGM for our UK experience - a disdain that wasn't so much a snide comment but a full-on lashing of the UK YAGM experience as being less than what they themselves were experiencing.

My ego was really wounded. I wavered between anger and despair. How can all of the exhaustion, the endless efforts, the hope and frailty, the growth, the ups-and-downs, how can that be considered less than someone else's experience? Who was this person even to judge?

Are we not really doing YAGM right? Is this experience worth it? Are we helping people?

Does what we do matter? 

The old fears rolled in like thunderclouds.

Some days, I feel for me personally it would almost be easier to know that what I was doing mattered if I served in a non-English speaking, developing country. At least when people asked me what I was learning I could say Spanish! or Arabic!. Easy. Like a multiple choice test. I could say I celebrated Christmas in ninety degree weather and that I've learned to love a hitherto-unknown food. That I had a funny experience where I couldn't understand what someone said to me on the bus or about how I was learning what it felt like to be the minority in the room. That's not to say it's not challenging to have these types of experiences; all the same, I wish I could have something tangible to say when people ask me how I am growing.

I love hearing stories about these moments, though. And I love hearing about my fellow YAGMs across the globe. I can't wait to hear more when we meet again at Re-entry, and I genuinely look forward to celebrating their lives when I get their newsletters and read their blog posts. It's a little glimpse into the rest of the YAGM world and I'm so grateful for all that they do. It's not hard to see, from even just the tiny peek I get through social media, that what they're doing is challenging, faith-filled, and full of love. It really matters.

It's just a lot harder and less obvious to qualify for me here, in the United Kingdom, that what I'm doing is the same. I doubt myself every day, even without negative words from other people. I want to feel needed, to feel like I'm serving, and to feel like I'm making a difference in peoples' lives.

So I've come up with this trick to help me remember that being a UK YAGM is not less than. It's simple and it puts me straight when the doubting thoughts start to roll in.

I just think of my fellow UK YAGMs. That's it. When I think of them, I am more sure than ever that we are having no less of a challenging growth experience than our friends in other countries. I feel such pride and admiration for every single one of them.

I think of my friend Grace, who takes care of the 92-year-old woman, Betty, whom she lives with. After working a full day at the church where she serves, she comes home and helps her get ready for bed, a process taking over an hour. She even washes her hair. Grace is the one who gets up in the middle of the night when Betty needs something. She accompanies her as she walks through the end of her life.

I think of Heath, who serves in a drug rehab center, who works long hours with men who want desperately to change their circumstances and are pulled, again and again, into the mire of addiction. I think of Danielle, who works at a girls' boarding school - the girls there love her and need her. They come to her after their families have given them bad news or other girls have teased them. I think of Sarah, who is helping a family who is in desperate need. The kids' parents are addicted to drugs and she is a stabilizing force in their lives.

I think of Molly, whose bright smile brings love to the youth and children she works with at her church, and who is bringing new ideas and energy to a congregation in need of her. Of Allison, bringing joy to the Roma youth in her community and her fellow congregants with her endless enthusiasm, and Annie, whose kind gentleness is an asset to troubled kids night after night aboard a mobile youth centre. Of Jasmine, whose daily tasks are like the work of two people but who still manages them with her usual joie de vivre, and Rosina, planning and running events for not one but four churches, whose generosity shines when she cares for others in her life, and of Sarah, who makes sure families have a safe place to send their kids after school and patiently, gently cares for each child in the program. All of us, making a difference to those we serve. A vital difference. A difference that really matters.

When I think of my fellow United Kingdom YAGMs, doing the work that they are doing, my heart fills. I don't feel doubt. We're being changed. We're growing up, we're growing in faith. They matter to me; they matter to the people they serve. Their actions show me that God is synonymous with love.

Then I know. Whose experience is any less? Not ours.

Maybe you resonate with what I'm writing, even if you're not a YAGM. Maybe you fear that what you do each day doesn't matter enough. Maybe you fear that you don't matter.

Let me tell you: You do.

We are all God's children. God is in each of us. No human being is less than any other. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, if you are in Manchester or the suburbs of Detroit, Kigali or Baltimore, Phnom Penh or Orange County, we're all fundamentally equal because of God's love for us.

And if your mission is to learn from others, accompany your neighbors, and love deeply, then what you're doing is full of God. If what you're doing each day is making someone's life a little better, no matter where in the world you are, that is love.

Maybe right now you're the person who could use some help - that is equally as important. You deserve God's love. Stand still and let it pour down on you, soak it in.

Let it fill you up. Take your time.

Only when you feel that love brimming from every pore in your body, every fiber of your being, then move forward. Spread that love wherever you go, from your fingertips, and your mouth, and your feet.

Use that feeling of endless love. Let people love you and open your heart to love them. Help people who have need, no matter where they live or where they came from. Be the hands and feet of God on earth.

Don't let anyone tell you differently: You are a child of God. You are loved. You matter.