Thanks & Giving

This week is the first Thanksgiving I will EVER have spent away from my family. I hadn't really spared a thought for it, until this past weekend when I Skyped with my immediate family, including Shantonu and Luis (Shantonu's host brother from Ecuador, who is visiting Virginia right now!). I realized how homesick I'm going to be this Thursday when my extended family is going to be gathered WITHOUT ME for the first time in 25 years.

I love the traditions of waking up to my dad cooking green bean casserole and cranberry crunch, and then bundling into the car to go to my aunt and uncle's, where we're greeted by my uncle, who is always standing in the kitchen with either a beer or the turkey carver (sometimes both).

I'll miss how generously gracious my aunt is at hosting - she never comments about cooking for 12+ people every year but makes a HUGE deal out of how nice my dad is for bringing our dishes. I love how, while my aunt could easily make both recipes in her sleep, she always squeals over how good they are when my family brings them. Meanwhile, she's made about 10 other dishes that we all inhale. No Thanksgiving is complete without reminiscing about the year Sam ate 12 rolls - or was it 24? (It doesn't really matter.)

Not Thanksgiving. Just food. 

THANKS

I'm grateful for SO many things in my life and thought now is the perfect time to share them - both because I feel so blessed every single day, and also as a personal way of celebrating Thanksgiving.

When I started writing this list, I realized I was mostly writing about things I'm grateful for at home but in the spirit of sharing my life here in York, I'm going to share a more specific list about some wonderful things in my life right now.

I'll caveat that to say that I'm so, so grateful for the PEOPLE at home - and honestly, if you're reading this, you're one of them.

My surrogate little bros, Gabe and Baird

Especially, two shout-outs to two amazing human beings: I'm grateful for my dad. He is so, so supportive and loving of me from far away. He is the center of everything. And I'm grateful for my incredible boyfriend, who is using his time off and money to come see me SOON and is tied with my dad for being #1 supportive person of me spending time abroad. He is the best. I could write a book on just the people in my life alone because they are foremost in my heart...but right now I'll just share my:

York Gratitude List

My house: It's so cute! I love how warm my room gets and the space I have here. And my commute to work is less than two minutes door to door.

Carecent: I'm volunteering at a free breakfast scheme for homeless people here on Monday mornings and the women volunteers there ARE THE BEST. I have never met a bunch of more welcoming, funny, kind people. Case in point, earlier this week I had a weird eye infection. They immediately offered a bunch of suggestions and told me to leave volunteering early to get it checked out. Side note, one of them was making raunchy jokes about the sausages we serve to the homeless clients. It made me like her even more, if that is possible. Another of them even called me this afternoon to check on my eyes (which are on the mend, I think?). I was so, so, SO touched! I am also relishing the relationships I'm developing with the great guys who come in for breakfast - some of them have experienced unimaginable trauma but I'm grateful to get to know a small piece of their lives and chat about Donald Trump, the Panama Canal, and American football. 

Piano lessons: Taking piano lessons was one of the Resolutions I made for my 25th year. I'll wrote more in the future about an update on my Resolutions. But for now, I'll just say that I'm taking them and from the most wonderful lady called Helen. She has become a friend and teacher to me. She is just lovely - practical, firm, patient, and so interesting. After retiring from nursing, she decided to learn the ORGAN which is crazy hard, and now goes around to different churches each weekday to practice. She inspires me and I think she is super cool and creative. We meet for about a half hour each week and now we're even doing duets together! Enjoying her company is about 50% of the reason I adore these lessons so much. The other 50% is that playing piano is so cathartic and fun.

New friends: Firstly, my YAGM cohort is amazing and I can't sing their praises enough. I'm so pleased to be on this journey with them. I'm making new friends outside YAGM and work too! My first friend was Chantal is a German au pair. I'm deeply grateful to Chantal for her warm presence in my life - she is absolutely lovely and I enjoy our walks and chats together so very much. I'm making other friends through groups I'm getting involved in and it's such a nice feeling to spread my friend-making wings and realize I can, actually, make new friends (which previously I assumed I was terrible at because I've had more or less an expanding group of some of the same friends since middle school).

Chantal!

St. Columba's fellowship and friends: It's such a new and fascinating experience to work closely with a church family. At home, I'm involved simply as a congregant and occasional volunteer, though my faith is important to me. Now I'm learning what it takes to run a church community. While I probably won't be the person on-staff running a church in my future life, it's still a great experience for me to grow spiritually and professionally. (Hopefully it's a good one for the congregants but the jury's still out :)).

The Bulletin Board after I decorated it...sometimes it's the small things!

Here, I'm making friends with some of the congregants of St. Columba's and getting to know them better. I have an excellent mentor and friend in Ian, who is also a volunteer at The Besom. And Jack and I are working together on two projects - he is a lot of fun to hang out with and I love that we are collaborating. Rachel is a congregant around my age and I feel SO lucky she is in the fellowship - I feel instantly myself around her. Of course, my lovely roommates and also my (surrogate) host parents Derek and Isobel are on this list as well. I didn't/can't cover everyone by any stretch but they are all great people. I'm learning a lot from accompanying a church fellowship and I'm grateful for the hard moments, the growth moments, and the fun and funny ones too.

Potluck Dinner after an Organ Concert

Mission Partners & School-Based Mentoring: Working with The Island, The Besom, and the Street Angels has given me purpose when other parts of my job seem fuzzy and unclear. The teams of these orgs have been really welcoming and supportive of me. I am volunteering with The Island's School Based Mentoring program, which is 2.5 hours a week working in a primary school with my mentee, whom I'll call her N. N likes to draw, cook, and be barefoot and outdoors. Upon discussing these things, we decided we're twins. We realized this even further when we realized our eyes are the same shade of green-brown and we both wear glasses. N is so creative - we were struggling to stick down a pipe cleaner to paper last week when she figured out how to unobtrusively use tape to get it in the shape we wanted. She brightens my week so much and I feel blessed she is my mentee.

From an activity with the Island's Girls' Group

Technology + Wi-Fi: For keeping in touch with all of you! 

Learning: This last year or two in Baltimore, I began to learn a lot about racial justice issues and be awakened to how seriously unjust racist systems oppress people of color. I also have explored other social justice issues like food justice and environmental justice. Here, I don't get to learn much about those topics in my working life, which at first was a disappointment. I feel guilty that I can walk away from these topics while people must still live with the ramifications of unfair systems of oppression every moment of their lives. However, I can't really change how white York is, and because England simply has different issues than the United States, I've decided to embrace being educated about other things - for example, mental health care services, the class system here, and the functioning of the local government, as well as the role that the church plays in state-run entities. (This is RADICALLY different than the USA - the unity of the Church of England with the government is singlehandedly the thing that gives me most pause when I run across its implications, because I'm so used to separation of church and state.)

Me in the Dales. With a tree. 

Fun Random Things From Lately:
-Lunch with my new friends David and Mandy (and Chantal and two French exchange students) at their house & a walk around Castle Howard

-The Christmas lights in York
-Meeting Jamie Oliver on Halloween!

-Going to the Dales with my roommates and the minister of St. Columba's
-Going to Bishopthorpe for Bonfire Night with my roommate and some of her friends

-York Interfaith Week & the Doncaster Conversation Club visit
-My 20 pound Jorvik Museum card that gets me into 5 different museums an unlimited amount of times for the rest of the year

Barley Hall's Henry VIII exhibit - sooooo good! 

Being in York, England: Of all the places I could have ended up during this year, it was very random that I am in York. I can't say this without feeling cheesy or pretentious, but I do believe I was meant to be here. I am so grateful every day that God decided to jump in and redirect my seemingly-perfect Peace Corps path and land me here, in this beautiful, historic, vibrant, walkable North England city. I love so many things about it - the library, the shops and pubs, the narrow snickleways (narrow streets), the ancient city walls, the Minster, the museums, the parks, and the easy access to public transport. It's totally not what I'd envisioned for my international service year, yet somehow it feels like this is where I'm meant to have landed all along. 

Giving

What I don't often do is consider the other half of Thanksgiving - the giving. How generous am I? Am I good at sharing? Do I consider others before I consider myself? Unequivocally, I can say that I am NOT good at the aforementioned qualities.

Now, before you state the obvious, yes I'm a big fan of doing service, hence the reason I'm on my second year of full-time volunteering. That could be considered giving. I don't really think it is in my case though. Because in truth, this is selfishness. I like to do the things I'm doing, just like computer nerds like coding and doctors like blood. I love working with kids, the elderly, and the homeless - it's fun and interesting. I like making new friends of people who are struggling and brightening their lives. Community engagement and service projects are exciting. Other people are good at math and statistics, some people like playing video games or violin or Connect Four. I'm good at engaging with people and finding solutions to problems. Doing these things isn't inherently giving because it's playing to my strengths and I find it to be the most rewarding job.

But I'm definitely bad at sharing and giving. Pretty much all the people in my life at home in the USA that I know are better at sharing and giving than I am, so this isn't some sort of modeled behavior for me. I just suck at sharing, giving, and being generous. I'm a reluctant giver. (First step to recovery: Know thyself.)

It's ironic, because I often get annoyed at some of the attitudes of some of the church congregants at St. Columba's towards our Mission Partners. The Mission Partners use our space at the church as their offices, a situation created to support charities in the York area. Some congregants (though not all) approach this arrangement from an attitude of, well we are their GENEROUS hosts and they should be eternally grateful to us for this! Uh, are you really being generous if you constantly whinge about the space the Mission Partners are using? Is begrudging someone the gift you gave really generosity?

I don't think so. But then again, I do the same thing on a regular basis. I say I'll help with some event or other, and then feel grumpy when the event rolls around and I'm tired and would rather watch Netflix. I'm happy to lend out my stuff temporarily, but then I get annoyed if it was returned in less than good condition, or if I need it after all when I've given it out. I'm ok with someone eating my last banana (with permission), but then I worry inwardly - oh, no, what if I'm making oatmeal and miss having a banana!? And I grump when my oatmeal sucks because it didn't have banana.

I list the funny (true) examples but there are deeper ones; do I always feel that things need to be "equal" in my relationships with others? Can I put up with a challenging person knowing that they will never support me back? Am I always asking what is in it for me? In these senses too, I'm terrible at giving.

Is giving WITH hesitation really generosity? I don't think so. It's giving without fear that's generosity.

Two of the most perfect examples of this are Mr. Bob and Mrs. Hilma. I can't think of more giving people than those two. Case in point is how they garden in their backyard and give probably 50% or more of it away. Whenever I manage to grow something, even a tomato, I'm like HOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING!!!!! It shocks and awes me and I immediately worry if another one will ever grow if I pick it. 

Not giving to others is about fear - that there won't be enough of something, that it will put you out or cause you harm to be generous. And that's entirely possible that it is true. Another tomato might not grow.

Sheep in a parking lot in the Yorkshire Dales. It was exciting. 

Giving takes a little bit of faith. I know that when I pluck that tomato and give it to a friend who doesn't have a garden, another tomato may grow in its place. And if not, I'll still survive and move on. When I give my time, energy, or stuff, it doesn't matter if I get anything in return as long as it's helping others. And when relationships aren't equal or I feel unfairly put upon, that's OK too. Life's beautiful when it's in balance, but it's also beautiful when it's imperfect.

Deep down, I have faith. I just need to work on growing it. I need to let my faith take root to flourish me into being the giver I want to be. I want to become the person that gives without hesitation, because I know truly that when I share, there will always be enough. Because there will always, always be enough.

Guest Post on The Besom Blog!

Hi everyone! After a very intense and busy few weeks, I'm working on getting back to my blog. But in the meantime, I've written a guest post on The Besom's blog. It's a bit edited, but it's mostly my words and I really enjoyed the privilege of getting to be featured on their site!

Here's the link: https://besominyork.wordpress.com/2017/11/17/the-mattress-that-meant-so-much/

Happy almost Thanksgiving!

November Newsletter

Hi friends!

Here is my November newsletter: http://mailchi.mp/c5f3d1333b32/harry-potter-and-the-year-in-york-haunted-happenings-at-hogwarts (click the link or copy/paste this URL into your browser).

To clarify, I have to write bimonthly newsletters for my YAGM program. These newsletters are independent of my blog but are fun to write as well!

My Can't-Live-Without List

I thought I'd share which things I can't live without here in England. These items are my must-haves. This list doesn't include things you'd use on a daily basis, like most medications, shampoo and conditioner, soap, contact/glasses, etc.... basically, it doesn't include the things you most likely would remember to bring yourself (I hope?). It's more a list of less expected items that make my life 10 trillion times better.

This is a good list of items if you are planning to live abroad for 1-3 years, in my opinion. Obviously it's geared towards living in the UK, but would be relevant to most foreign countries. It's still fairly early, but I've been here about two months now, and have decided that thus far these are the things I can't live without. I am curious to see how it changes over the coming months. Many of these things were gifts, so if you're one of the gift-givers, you rock.

In first place is: my cell phone. I use it to Whatsapp, Skype, Groupme, and text my family and friends. I use it for Spotify (because mah fave girl Gagan added me to Spotify Premium for Family, I can listen to songs without Wi-Fi when I go running which is super sweet - Gagan you're the best I love you!). I also use my phone for budgeting! This year is a voluntary year of service so I don't make very much but it's definitely enough for a responsible frugal lady to live on.

Enter my Budget App! It allows me to track my Monthly Stipend and my Food Stipend and see how I'm doing. I keep track of EVERYTHING I spend on here and it's pretty awesome. I also use the weather app, the Notepad, and Google Photos on a daily basis. A good cell phone is a necessity for life abroad. That probably sounds terrible to the old hippie PCVs who lived in The Gambia pre-internet and wrote letters that took like ten months to send home, but let's be real, that ain't me. Or most of you. And it's not realistic for someone who is in a long-distance relationship and has a cat. I had an ancient iPhone 4 (gifted to me by the wonderful Jamison) until basically when I left and getting a new functioning phone was a very good idea for keeping in touch with people back home.

Next: is my laptop. Great story: I hate spending money on electronics, so after getting aforementioned new cell phone, I was like cool, no more new electronics. But then two days before I was supposed to leave, my laptop stopped connecting to the internet for no reason. It's four years old and has been abused and loved very much in that time, so I made the rash decision (after asking my dad and Shantonu like five times each if they thought it was a good idea) to get a new laptop that same day because I didn't want to lug my heavy, not-working laptop overseas with me. This one is a super simple, lightweight, no hard drive memory Lenovo and so far I love it. I also bought it on the last day I was seeing Shantonu before I left so I up and dragged him (more like he dragged me, let's be real) to Best Buy during our final few hours of spending time together for the next 3.5 months. I am very lucky to have a patient and wonderful boyfriend. This laptop case was a gift from Shantonu and it's super important for protecting and keeping my laptop in good shape! Also very cute. I'd recommend updating your electronics before departure. It's a lot cheaper in the States than abroad.

Converter: Shantonu got this for me. It's amazing. USB ports, plug ports, and it's usable in Europe, the UK, Canada, and Australia. I use it every day.

USB: Great for backing up documents (that don't fit on my laptop's hard drive) and taking things to print.

Headphones: For Skyping and listening to music. Multiple pairs.

Water bottle/thermos: I do not know how I'd live without this thermos. It was a gift from Mrs. Diane and if she hadn't given it to me, I would have had to buy one (cheaper and less nice, probably). But this one is perfect - it keeps the water super hot for a long time. When I had the flu I'd fill it up and it would still be HOT in the morning for me to drink when I woke up. I drink tons of warm water throughout the day too so it comes with me everywhere. This baby water bottle was another gift from Shantonu and I love it. The normal-sized Nalgenes annoy me because they're cumbersome so this little guy fits perfectly in my travel backpack. I accidentally bought myself an oversized Nalgene right before I left off Amazon which would only be useful if I was living somewhere without potable water. I'd recommend a smaller one if you are traveling/living in a country where there is ready access to potable water in bathroom sinks/restaurants.

Kindle: My parents got me a kindle for my 20th birthday and at the time I only used it for a few school books and some random other reads. Years went by and I even considered it selling it since I used it so infrequently and preferred real books, but something held me back. Then I discovered this past summer that you can rent library books on a Kindle and my whole world changed. I set it up prior to departing for England and it was the best thing I could have done! I had a ready supply of literature (from the Baltimore County Public Library, mind you) through every phase of my journey - Orientation in Chicago, first few days in-country, Orientation in-country, and even now that I'm more settled (and have a library card for the York library!). I'm currently rereading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and reading for the first time the 3rd book in the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency Series on my Kindle. It's helped me discover new books that I wouldn't see on the shelves and it's obviously portable and compact. I still read real books and I've already gone to the library and checked out a bunch of books, but both have a place in my life now. If you read at all and are planning to move overseas, get yourself a Kindle and rejoice.

Hand-Warmers: My dad was the best and went out and got me ten sets of disposable hand-warmers right before I left. When I get my period, I need to have something hot to soothe my cramps and I didn't want to bring my microwaveable rice sock (Shantonu's mom came up with this and it's the best idea ever - dry rice in a sock and you can microwave it and use it like a hot water bottle) because I didn't know if there'd be a microwave. So I had this brainwave that hand-warmers might work, and these came to my rescue when I was at Orientation and thought I might die from cramp pain. I lauded myself heartily for that one. It's a good back-up to a hot water bottle (which I now have, because my roommate had an extra one). They are great if you know you'll be traveling and need hot things for body aches.

Lotion/Toiletries: My skin is terrible so I wanted to bring this awesome lotion from home. It was worth the suitcase space. I said I wouldn't talk about things used on a daily basis, but I would recommend bringing a supply of the basic heath-related things that you need for about a month - things like deodorant, ibuprofen, tissues, hand sanitizer. Everyone says, oh you can get that there! Which is all well and good, unless you're like two days in-country and desperately need something and you don't know your way downstairs yet, much less to the nearest pharmacy. I was really glad I brought a basic supply of some toiletries to get me through the first month and I was sorry I hadn't brought more cold medicine, Airborne, shampoo, and conditioner. All were sorely missed and scrambled for at some point or another. If you feel comfortable, I'd also recommend investing in Diva Cup which is fantastic for travelling and also just life and takes away the urgency of having a ton of tampons/pads in your possession.

Travel Backpack/Bags: You don't need a thousand bags but you do need a good day-trip backpack and an overnighting backpack. You also need a handbag that is secure. And a reusable shopping bag is always useful too.

Umbrella: Always bring a cute umbrella to England, you will need it! This is a Cath Kidston gem from Basma didi that fits in my little travel bag and doesn't weigh very much.

Duct Tape: It's just useful. Nobody needs to explain why. It's duct tape.

Notebooks: I brought a work/life notebook and a journal, both of which I use all the time. I wish I'd brought more notebooks because I got some amazing ones as gifts, but I didn't have room in my suitcase. (Minions are the best! Yet another Shantonu gift because he spoils me. Yes he basically did outfit me to live abroad because he's amazing, generous, handsome, and also knows what he's doing.)

Hillbilly Back Scratcher: I needed this so bad, I asked my dad to send it with my cousin Erin, who came to London, and then I brought it back from London to York. This is my Hillbilly Back Scratcher that I use  at least once per day. The month without it was horrible! Basically, if you have a creature comfort in the USA, you're still going to need it when you move abroad. Lesson learned. I like my back not to be itchy.

Cards/Family Photos: I brought some cards when I came (but actually got sent this set by my godparents as a birthday present) and that was smart - it's fun to send mail home and you need to write thank-you notes, and before you know where to go for cheap cards, it's nice to have some on-hand. I brought a few photos but not enough, so my dad also sent via my cousin some more photos. Don't underestimate wanting to decorate your space, because it's a whole year of living away and it's nice to feel like your home is your own.